i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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