she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
