She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
