wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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