Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
