we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
