Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
