hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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