We're like a lot better than the average bears
Apparently you make a good broom.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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