dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
