god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
