I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
