i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
