Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
