Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
this is an emotional support booty call
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
