Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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