what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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