She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
