Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
