i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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