Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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