actually, I'm a sock model
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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