I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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