Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize
