You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
