didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
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We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
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There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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