Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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