why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
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It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
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I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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