dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
where are my pants?
in the oven.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
