Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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