I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Randomize
