I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
