i'm signing you up for texting rehab
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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