remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
