i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
