no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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