You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
