I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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