Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
