If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
