Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
it was like eating out sand paper
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
