So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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