I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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