Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize