she woke up with a sticky ear
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
