Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
