Buhtt sex?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
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Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
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Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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