thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
