I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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