i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
