I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
