ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
