i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
