I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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