Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
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Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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