All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
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I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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