I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
it hurts more in the daytime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize