Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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