i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
