i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
