you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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