Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
