Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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