he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
What drink are we having for lunch?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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