peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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