Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i out mim tonsoeep
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
