You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
