It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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