So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
