U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
