ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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