david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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