I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
