oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
