we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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